My Life is a Sausage Fest

I should be going out right now to check out some live music at LSE from student acts and bands. Only 50 pence. But I've been to and from LSE twice today already. Am I unwarranted in my laziness? The trip is like a half-hour ordeal each way. I should go, right? Also, I will have to be energetic and spirited, because I won't know a single person there. And then I'll need a pint or half-pint to loosen up or at least appear loosened up. I wonder if people go there knowing people or what. Hmm. I could go any time from now until 11. The question is... is it worth it to go, let it be a failure, and come back? THAT is the question. That sounds pessimistic, but we're talking worst case scenarios. On the plus side, there's music. Going to watch music alone is okay. I like music.

I feel a little off today. I should point out that I have been here now for 17 days now (I just counted), and I'm not sure what to think about my social progress. I think being here in itself is a challenging experience, good for me to toughen up. As I predicted, it's more alone time than I'd have at Georgetown. There's no one here to just call and be with. Just be with, just exist alongside. You know how you study with someone in a place just so once in a while, you can point out something interesting that you read? Or you can take a study break with that person? I miss that about Georgetown. It's me, myself, and I a lot of the time and being a pseudo-only child, it's not all that new, but still not entirely amazing.

I think I miss having girl-friends, my girl-friends. The Georgetown crew here is all guys and my one girl-friend was struck with a herpes zoster infection of her auditory nerve and is now returning home for the semester. Sigh. In fact, my cell phone is practically girl-less. I have a friend's number in Spain, Andrea's (who's returning to Hong Kong in a few days), and my aunt's. The small girly side of me is going extinct as I fail to actually make girl-friends. I'm trying to see where I fail here. Am I failing? I don't know. I don't see fellow Hoyas racking up friends. But I don't know.

I can't tell if this is sadness or loneliness or what. I see people. I do things. I go out. I explore. Not one tear has been shed since being here. What is it? I feel like I should be able to fix something and be pro-active about the situation. Alright. In the midst of writing this, I think I've decided to go to LSE. I can be mysterious and solitary in a corner if I must, and I can be social and fun if that's an option. Cool.

Edit: So this is me post LSE Live Music. The music scene at LSE is much more alive than that of Georgetown. People are just more willing to take risks or just have fun. I do, however, think there's a limit on how many crowd-pleasing covers one group can do. One male duo played only ones they knew the crowd would definitely know and respond to. I'm all for reeling them in with a witty or fun pick, but then I think you should go out on a limb. This group started off with "Hero" by Enrique Iglesias which segued nicely into "How To Save a Life" by The Fray. I suppose "Cute Without the 'E' (Cut From the Team)" by Taking Back Sunday was their risk, but they continued with "Cannonball" by Damien Rice, and then a little bit of "I Want It That Way" by BSB and "Hit Me Baby (One More Time)" by Britney Spears. Ok, we get it. You're funny. Move on. There was another band that played "Hey-Oh" by RHCP, "Stockholm Syndrome" by Muse (fun to hear for the first time in a while), and strangely "Bullet in the Head" by RATM. The singer was a girl, a girly one, so when I first heard the beginning of "Bullet in the Head," I wasn't sure what to expect. But it was fun. There was another girl with a good voice and mediocre songs, BUT she had the guts to perform them and that was respectable; she ended with Dolly Parton's "Jolene."

I'm glad I went overall, but I didn't say a word to anyone except the bartender when I got my beer. Not the most social place, since it was loud and everyone knew everyone or was a friend of someone performing. But it wasn't that awkward NOT to know anyone.

Manic, Unemployed Monday

I got 5 hours of sleep last night for no reason other than I lay there and couldn't fall asleep. I don't know what it is, maybe my body's instinct to preserve every last bit of energy until it runs out. This morning wasn't so terrible even though the bus, once again, almost caused me to be late. I left at 8:25 and just made it into the classroom at 9:05. Meh. I had my first class this morning (Note: classes are different from lectures; classes are capped at 20, lectures... seemingly not), and it brought to light one of my main frustrations with LSE. Why the hell do they pick out of print books that are a.) unavailable at the library; b.) in limited quantities at the library i.e. 5 books to 40 students; c.) in some library in the Greater London area, but they're not sure which and how many copies; or d.) unavailable on the internet, out of print, or on sale used for 99 pounds. I'm not sure if students actually work harder than students in the U.S. or if they just work harder to simply obtain the books. I'm willing to read, yes. Willing to research at the library, fine. Willing to spend hours tracking down a book to read a few chapters for this week's lecture and class? Fuck no. I didn't come to study abroad to learn the Dewey Decimal system.

Another frustration. I was on time, borderline late, for my Political Economy class this morning as well. My .95p fried egg roll somehow took 10 minutes to get to me and I was enraged and annoyed, but I won't get into it. So I rush off to Peco and just like last time, every desk is occupied and people are sitting on the floor in the back. It's ridiculous that they book classrooms where there are not enough desks for students. We're not talking 1 or 2 desks short. We're talking 10-15 desks short AT LEAST. I went into an empty classroom next door and dragged in a desk to an empty spot at the door. Other students were not so lucky and sat outside the door, unable to see the board, like I did last time. Others cursed, as I would too, when they saw the full classroom and just left in frustration. What the fuck, LSE? In infrastructure so weak that they can't even plan out which classroom to assign for which class?

So as you can see, my experiences with this side of LSE have been unsatisfactory thus far. However, I don't mean to say that my professors or class teachers don't seem good. They are so far. It's just that these fubars (you all know the acronym) are major ones and they should be corrected, not overlooked. They are an impediment to students learning AND it obviously favors wealthier students that can just buy books and be better off with less effort wasted on the frivolous search for books; it's opportunity cost. I'm among those fortunate enough to be able to buy the books and man, I'm thankful for it; less time wasted.

While I said I'm fortunate enough to buy books, the same doesn't apply for eating and feeling full. I'm Starvin' Marvin over here, but testing out this new daily budget to see how it goes. I had a good, filling dinner, but it pretty much cost me my daily budget. So... I spent the day job-searching online. I've applied for three so far, and I'm crossing my fingers. Two are retail, which I'd prefer, and one is data entry. My hours aren't flexible enough for anything real... plus I really don't want to have to worry about business casual right now. So... cross your fingers for me. I need a job and I need it now. Cheers, as they say.

Oh. A happy thing. I finally have some cookware to work with!